Dear Leoni,

Welcome and well done for being brave enough to join and ask for support.  I am sure we can all reflect on how hard that is to do. 
I am very sorry to hear about your traumatic experience of loosing your neighbour.  No one ever dreams that they will be faced with such horrid circumstances or that they could take such a toll on those left behind.  Those of us who have lived through homicide really understand that these events do have a profound effect on everyone left behind and that sometimes people cope in very different ways.  Which, from the sound of your posting you and your partner have done.

I am not sure were you are located and don’t want you to post it up on here for everyone to see, but if you want to email me with the details (ahadmin@angelhands.org.au) of where you are staying, so I can see what support services there are in that area and we can see about addressing your homelessness and some of the other life issues you said you are dealing with and try to support you through those.

I know for me that initially of losing my loved ones the experience was all consuming and that the flashbacks and fear were major intrusions in my life.  I didn’t think I would ever make it through, but I learnt how to break the day into small segments and get through just one segment at a time.  I came up with the expression that life is like a sandwich- you don’t eat it all in one mouthful, so just take a small bite and keep chewing until you can swallow. 

Please know you are not alone and that there are people here and in other places.  Thank you for writing and please stay in touch.

Warmly yours

Ann

Firstly l'd like to say hello to everyone, l am a new member here and desperatly need help...here is why

In April 2008 my neighbour was shot dead while she lay at my feet begging for her life. I was left standing there wondering what happened not knowing how my life was going to change. Its almost 2 years now and things have changed, l have changed and my life has become extremely hard to cope with. My relationship with my partner has fallen apart due to what has happened and lm lost, l have no where to turn to. I have ended up basically homeless due to not being able to live in that house anymore, he want me out of his life because l reminded him of the murder. The house use to be HIS( my partner) but he had sold it due to his divorce and we were renting it from the new owners. My ex now seems to blame me for loosing his home of 15 years. I have so much l want to say here but thats the basics of why l joined, l admit l have serious issues with life now and l need help.   Just someone to talk to that really knows and understands

Thanks for your time

Leoni

Dear Jaimee,

There are no words to express how sorry I am to hear of your loss.  Nothing can express how much empathy I feel for you and your family about this unfair and unjust act. 

It sounds like you have a lot of challenges and practical matters to juggle in relation to the children.   You sound like an incredibly resilient person.  I don't know were you live (and don't want you to tell me on an open internet forum) but there are some great services that can help children with their grief.  I would be happy to assist you to locate what is in your local area via email or phone.

We at angelhands have a great network of people, many of whom are actively pursuing justice reform, and others who are happy to provide guidance and a friendly ear.  We also have a number of resources (books, DVD's etc) that are available for loan. 

Please let me know if you would like a chat on the phone which would make it easier to understand where you are at and to see how we might be able to help you find the support you are looking for.  Please feel free to email me at ahadmin@angelhands.org.au and if you provide a phone number I can call you or alternatively you can call our angelhands phone number (0416 580 090).

There is an article about getting through Christmas that may also be of assistance to you, it is on www.angelhands.org.au

Thank you for contacting us, I am sorry it took me so long to respond, this time of year is frantic as you know. 

I hope others respond to your post, many of our members however seem to prefer to have phone contact so they may not look at the forum often, so please do get in touch so we can maximise your potential to have the contact you are seeking with others

As I am sure you realise, little steps are a great help - I often say that "life is like a sandwich, we don't eat it all in one mouthful!"

Take care and travel gently.

Warmly yours

Ann

Hello. My name is Jaimee. My husband Gary was killed in January this year. We have two children who were 5 and 7 when Gary was killed. Both our childrne have multiple disabilities which has made finding the right help for them really difficult. Sadly, at the moment our older child is expressing a desire to kill himself. I am just desperate to find other people who have experienced the death of a close family member through homicide, especially if they are still fighting for justice like I am.

Hi there,
Thank you for your post, and I am sorry you need to ask the question about flashbacks. 
May I start by saying it is always advisable to seek professional treatment if your flashbacks continue and these types of techniques don't work.
I have pasted in some of the useful techniques you can try.
I found drawing and journaling about the images a useful strategy along with listening to soft relaxing music. 

And although I did not realise it at the time I used a lot of techniques that helped me to focus on the right here right now, which Matthew Tull, (http://ptsd.about.com/od/selfhelp/a/flashcoping.htm  summarised so well in the following paragraph:
Learn Grounding Techniques
As the name implies, grounding is a particular way of coping that is designed to "ground" you in the present moment. In doing so, you can retain your connection with the present moment and reduce the likelihood that you slip into a flashback or dissociation. In this way, grounding may be considered to be very similar to mindfulness.
To ground, you want to use the five senses (sound, touch, smell, taste, and sight). To connect with the here and now, you want to do something that will bring all your attention to the present moment. A couple of grounding techniques are described below.
•Sound: Turn on loud music
Loud, jarring music will be hard to ignore. And as a result, your attention will be directed to that noise, bringing you into the present moment.
•Touch: Grip a piece of ice
If you notice that you are slipping into a flashback or a dissociative state, hold onto a piece of ice. It will be difficult to direct your attention away from the extreme coldness of the ice, forcing you to stay in touch with the present moment.
•Smell: Sniff some strong peppermint
When you smell something strong, it is very hard to focus on anything else. In this way, smelling peppermint can bring you into the present moment, slowing down or stopping altogether a flashback or an episode of dissociation.
•Taste: Bite into a lemon
The sourness of a lemon and the strong sensation it produces in your mouth when you bite into it can force you to stay in the present moment.
•Sight: Take an inventory of everything around you
Connect with the present moment by listing everything around you. Identify all the colors you see. Count all the pieces of furniture around you. List off all the noises you hear. Taking an inventory of your immediate environment can directly connect you with the present moment.
Enlist the Help of Others
If you know that you may be at risk for a flashback or dissociation by going into a certain situation, bring along some trusted support. Make sure that the person you bring with you is also aware of your triggers and knows how to tell and what to do when you are entering a flashback or dissociative state.

I also found lots of helpful suggestions using this search of the net http://ixquick.com/do/metasearch.pl?query=coping+with+flashbacks+PTSD&cat=web&pl=ie&language=english_uk

I hope this helps you a little.
Please let other users and myself how you get on.
Kindest regards

Ann

Does anyone have any techniques usefull for coping with flashbacks? I recently witnessed my sister's murder by her ex boyfriend who subsequently shot himself afterwards. I have alot of difficulty coping with flashbacks, i currently see a cousellor but due to living in a rural area i have to travel once a week to see them. It would be good if anyone has ideas. Thankyou.

Hi Andrew,

It is lovely to hear from you again.  I know it can really difficult to step out and do something that is so confronting as going to a meeting, even when it is not related to something as personal and painful as losing our loved ones. 
Thus, I think you are very normal for feeling fearful.  Did you end up going?  If you did, well done!  If you didn't, then why not consider it a practice run.  Are you based in WA?  If so then perhaps we can work on some strategies to assist you using email. 
I think you are very brave even thinking about opening up this part of yourself, so be kind to yourself and go gently with the process at a pace that feels comfortable.
Take care and let me know if you would like to discuss some strategies that may help you to achieve the goals you have set for yourself.  You can email me via ahadmin@angelhands.org.au
Warm regards

Ann

We were asked to post the following message:

I have started a petition in response to the District Courts recent decision with regards to my son Arran's case.
Please take the time to visit the petition and respond accordingly, should you agree with my petition goals.
 
The link for accessing the petition is included below:
http://www.gopetition.com.au/petitions/improve-our-justice-system.html
 
Thanks for your support
 
Regards
 
  
Simon J. A. Barr

Hi Chris,

It is nice to hear back from you, sorry though that you are acquainted with the topic at hand.  

I know it often does feel like a circular motion, doesn’t it.  I reached the conclusion that it consumes less energy to go with the flow as opposed to constantly trying to work out were I was in the process.  In my experience, with time, I got better at knowing what was happening (and quicker at identifying it) and then I developed a sound set of coping strategies that only fail every now and then.

I don’t know what state you are in etc, but I know there is a group in Victoria called the Crime Victims Support Association Inc. (VIC) (AUST) http://www.cvsa.asn.au/ and they do a lot of work in the area of truth in sentencing as do a few other groups.

Check out the links on our links to other support services if you have no luck with this one.

Let us know if we can help you in any other way or if you would like to continue chatting.

Take care and have a good night.

Kind regards

Ann

Hi

I posted a couple of posts - yours (now) was the only response.

I forget the reason for my searching the web leading to my post (got home from TV interview or another anonymous letter in the mail; someone who saw me on TV or read articles in the Sun/Herald (etc) & felt need to write (guessing they got my address from the phone book).

I never did find the "people against lenient sentences" - but then I'm no longer looking.

I've got nowhere.... stages of grief going in circles maybe?? My question (where to from here) still applies - only I'm no longer actively looking...

Chris